October 29, 2014

Halloween Thoughts

I was thinking about the the phenomena of Halloween in this day and age, and I thought I'd share with you some of my random thoughts.
I was never very interested or concerned by the occult.
I don't go for that sort of thing.
Those involved are probably glad I am not one of them because I would just make everything sillier than it is.
As a teenager I failed at my dabbling in the mystic arts when I attempted to consult a "Squeegee Board".

My misunderstanding was a result of too much wax in my ears as a kid.
I didn't contact any spirit guides but I did learn how to clean a window.
I once tried to get my fortune told.
But everyone I contacted was so gloomy.
I never did find a happy medium.
A friend of mine said he knew a soothsayer I could go to.
Again my earwax problem caused me to go to a dentist.
I thought he was implying I needed to go to a tooth saver.
I never understood all the images associated with Halloween.
Zombies, skeletons, the walking dead.
Did you ever go to the emergency room during halloween and see the walls decorated with skeletons and grave stones?
It's not the most comforting sight when your seeking medical help.
Here's a comforting sight.

I don't "get" the threat of halloween monsters.
For instance "ghosts". Disembodied spirits who are no longer physical.
Heck, I gave up being physical a long time ago.
They don't seem able to do much except maybe move a picture or a cup.
They seem to have more motivation than I do.
I'm supposed to be afraid of the moving image of a dead person?
I pity anyone after I'm gone who watches one of my home movies.
Talk about a ghostly appearance,
I haven't had a tan in decades.
This unfortunate ghost saw me in the shower.

Then there are the spirits the appear to be bleeding.
A good trick for something without internal organs.
Don't they know first aid in the afterlife?
Or at least have bandages?

Why are skeletons supposed to be scary?
We all have skeletons.
Do you scream when you see your xray?
Ok I admit some doctors scream at mine, but usually not.
Is a walking skeleton supposed to be scary?
Well maybe it is.
I've seen fashion shows.
I concede this point.
Run away!

What is everyone's fascination with zombies?
Reanimated dead looking for a meal.
They used to walk slow but now they can run fast.
Why are they running? Where are they going?
You say they want to eat my brain?
Why do they need to eat?
Why the brain?
Do they acquire knowledge?
I don't see zombie scientists making any new discoveries.
I always thought that if I was attacked by a zombie I would be very angry.
I would fight and kick their butts with anger.
Then if I lose and became a zombie, I would still be angry.
Now I would continue to fight and kick their butts as a zombie.
This makes about as much sense as anything else with zombies.
"Hi I'm Carl. I'll be your zombie this evening."

Then of course there are the vampires.
The undead (again) drinking the blood of the living to have eternal life.
Unless of course they are shot with a silver bullet.
Or have a wooden stake driven through their hearts.
Or exposed to sunlight.
They are sounding less threatening by the minute.
They are afraid of crosses.
And garlic.
Well I'm italian so I guess I'm safe.
"Don't tell me you put garlic in the spaghetti sauce!"

In conclusion I would say halloween images and the cult of the dead aren't my cup of tea.
Chocolate on the other hand is good as a drink or eaten.
Therefore I'm all for trick or treating.
"Bring home bags of candy kids.
Wait is this all?
Here take this pillow case for a bag.
Change into another costume and go back through the neighborhood for another round.
Be sure you stop again at the Andersons. They have the big chocolate bars!"
"I'll just keep these so you kids don't overdo it on the candy. Ooo Billy go back to the Finches', they have Crunch bars!"

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