November 30, 2014

The Disheveled Self Of The Elf On The Shelf

I was home one day,
all by myself.
when I turned and saw,
the Elf on the shelf.
How I wondered,
could he just appear?
What could this mean?
Why was he here?
There was a note,
sitting by his side,
that gave instructions,
it was my guide.
It said the Elf,
would watch how I act,
and go back to Santa,
and deliver the facts.
Then Santa would use this,
to help him decide,
what presents to bring,
when he would arrive.
“There’s only one rule,
that you have to follow,
so I will come back, 
and be here tomorrow,
Please do not touch me.
My magic might go,
and Santa won’t hear,
all I’ve seen or I know.”
I thought, “Alright, 
I’ll just let him be,
then he can report,
all that he sees.”
So I set about,
a typical day.

All the while,
the Elf looked my way.
I turned to look at him,
after a while,
and noticed a slight
twitch in his smile.
A little latter,
I happened to spy,
the trace of a tear,
formed in his eye.
I went upstairs,
and when I came back down,
I noticed some ashes,
laying on the ground.
Some cigarette smoke,
floated above the Elf’s’ head,
He looked a bit nervous,
with a face turning red.
Then I turned and looked,
at a beer bottle trail,
behind me I heard,
the Elf’s painful exhale.
I picked up the empties,
and tried to ignore,
how the Elf seemed to sweat,
and his hands shook more.
At one point,
when he,
thought he was alone,

I caught him talking,
on my phone.
“Please Santa, please!
take me away!
I can’t stand to be here, another day!”
He turned and saw me,
then he screamed,
“Stay away from me!
you’re like a bad dream!”
“I’ve watched your activities,
how you conduct yourself,
never again do I want,
to be an Elf on a shelf!”
The up on the roof,
there arose such a clatter,
then Santa walked in,
and said “Elf what’s the matter?”
Then the Elf,
pointed at me,

and Santa cried out,
“How can this be?”
“This man was supposed,
to be on the list,
of people the Elf
should have missed!”
Then some reindeer arrived,
bearing a stretcher.
Santa instructed them,
to check Elf’s,
blood pressure.
Then as they carried,
the Elf away.
Santa turned,
and he did say.
“The Elf will be fine,
they heal very quick,
Merry Christmas to all,
but you make me sick!”

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