May 28, 2015

I Might Be Exaggerating

I display a lack of beauty.
I present myself a fool.
Those who actually get to meet me,
are surprised,
I’m kind of cool.

May 27, 2015

Fixed Alone

My history had baggage.
Collections of much strife.
I walked away from people problems.
They’re glad I’m out of their life.

May 22, 2015

Tent Worms

Oh little worms,
in your tents.
Behold how many,
leaves you’ve rent.
I contemplate,
and conclude one thing.
you’re disgusting.

May 16, 2015

Trimming Time

I set aside ten minutes,
for a trimming of my hair.
Every follicle was cut,
with nine minutes to spare.

May 15, 2015

The Green Email

In a fit of envy,
I sent an email out.
I stated how a person’s life,
had filled my own with doubt.
How I envied their looks and wealth,
their present and their past.
The clothes they wore,
the food they ate,
the list was quite vast.
I poured out my heart,
I gave it all I was worth.
then I sent my jealous email,
to everyone on Earth.

May 13, 2015

Lesson Not Learned

There was a hard class,
back in school.
Where the teacher,
treated me mean.
It was a class in sociology,
with chapters on self esteem.

May 12, 2015

It Must Be Done

Every day there is a task,
I must do but find defeating.
At some point in the day,
I’m required,
to finish eating.

May 10, 2015

The Journey Of Necessity

I set out on a journey.
A quest that would be hard.
It took me from my comfort.
The destination seemed so far.
But necessity required it.
I set out none to soon.
The long trek from my slumber,
to the bathroom.

May 9, 2015

Not Worth The Prize

I felt sorry for the contestant.
It was embarrassing for all to see.
But in order to win a prize,
he was forced,
to imitate,

May 8, 2015

It's Easy

Recently I’ve had quite a few people remark to me that I look much thinner.
It’s true, I have lost some weight.
Actually in a relatively short time I have already lost twenty five pounds.
It was easy.
Hardly any work or exercise or diet was involved.
I didn’t realise how bad my over eating was getting.
So one night, just for the heck of it, I skipped my usual overindulgence of food before bed.
The next morning “Bam!” I was twenty pounds lighter.
That’s it. I just skipped one meal.
I really must of been piling the food on my plate.
In fact I had to make sure I ate regular meals in reasonable portions or I risked becoming skin and bones.
I decided I needed to add some muscle to my arms.
I pulled my old barbells out of storage and blew the dust off them.
I did a couple of reps with thirty pound weights.
“Swandella!” My biceps expanded three inches overnight.
I quickly discovered many other areas in life that were quite easy to achieve.
The car needs fixed? I read an online manual, “Cladoodoe!” My car now looked and acted as if it just rolled off the showroom floor.
Household repairs needed? “Ziptabada!” Suddenly my modest shack looked like Hearst Castle.
Really everything is so easy.
All the talk about how hard you have to study, or work at something, or stick to it, or the rewards are worth the effort, etc. etc.,
It is just a bunch of propaganda to keep people down.
Everyone would be happy and successful if they knew the truth of how effortless achieving any good thing really is.
I could go on and on, but I think you get my point.
In case you don’t, let me reiterate, “It’s Easy!”
No pain no gain, Ha!
Lies! Lies!
Well I got to go.
A friend needs a risky surgery done tomorrow,
and I need to read how to do it before my favorite show comes on T.V. tonight.

Jealous Guy

I must admit I harbor jealousy.
And a little bit of envy,
towards everyone,
not me.

May 7, 2015

No Strut

I lost some weight.
I got in shape.
Yet I do not strut,
in my health smugly.
For I realize,
my new guise,
is but a fitter form,
of ugly.

Face The Facts

I shaved off my beard,
to remove the grey,
hair so liberally sprinkled.
But it did not make me look younger.
In fact all that it has done there,
is expose a face that’s wrinkled.

May 6, 2015

My Sandwich

I went to a restaurant.
You won’t believe what I did see.
They created a new sandwich.
They named it after me.
It’s made of bologna and braunschweiger.
It’s topped off with spam.
In my honor they named it.
It’s called the “Blubber Man.”

May 5, 2015

The Perfect Community

I found the ideal community.
Perfect in every way.
Full of great people,
and homes for work and play.
It’s what homeowners dream of,
an answer to a prayer.
It has very high standards.
They won’t let me move there.

May 4, 2015

From The Editor

The back cover of my book,
had this summery.
From the editors to the public,
it stated this about me.
“Never have we wasted,
so much ink and paper.
Here is our address,
we will refund your purchase later.”

May 3, 2015

Not Fitting

I thought if I was in shape,
that I’d become a hit.
So with diet and exercise,
I’m now a loser who looks fit.

May 2, 2015

Great Restraint

I tried something new,
I never did before.
I had only five helpings,
of pie without eating more.